Real estate agent isn't a real pro

They are as good as the market is, and no better.

Mitsy wrote:

<quoted text> Better yet, don't marry someone who still carries a torch for someone else. It can save a lot of heartache.

I wish he had been as honest as the LW and told me when we were dating that he still had feeling for his ex. Like I said, he never said a bad word about her. All he told me was that she was his high school sweetheart and his first girlfriend and his first but now he was ready for a real relationship with real love. It had been 15 years so I saw no reason to push for more. It was not until after marriage that all of the ugly stuff came out and he did not tell me then. What I know about her and their relationship I found out through that call from her and her sister whom I befriended at church (not knowing it was her sister). I guess I should have known there was more too it when he wanted to live hours from any of the family he was "oh so close too". He got a job in her town and asked me to move there with him after marriage. I was trustingly in the dark and agreed ... never again.

The really weird thing is ... he hated me after our divorce and I never did anything too him. He said I was too supportive. I made sure he had a home-cooked meal everyday. I made sure there were clean towel waiting for him in the shower when he got home from work. I made sure his clothes were always ironed ... I made sure to replace anything that was torn or worn through. I recorded all of his favorite programs if he was not there to look at them. I did all of the shopping and made sure he was always stocked up in cokes and rocky road ice cream, his favorites. I kept a spotless home. He hated me for these things.

Yes, I was a homemaker and a full time student, but I was a full time student when he met me. I had some money from and investment and could have easily paid rent and bills ... as I was doing when he met me ... but his theory was a man was not a man if he needed help from a woman to pay for bills. So, I tried to be sneaky when I paid them (it did not work and I would get yelled at for doing it). Funny that was one of the things he harped on toward the end ... He was paying all of the bills and all I was doing was laying around at home and hanging out on campus with my friends (going to school).

I give Matt credit for being open with his girlfriend. I wish my last boyfriend had been so open with me...

As a woman, I've noticed an awful lot of women claim that they want their men to be open with them, but if their guy admits to having female friends or harmless crushes, the green-eyed beast takes over and the poor guy feels like he has no choice but to lie.

camille wrote:

As a woman, I've noticed an awful lot of women claim that they want their men to be open with them, but if their guy admits to having female friends or harmless crushes, the green-eyed beast takes over and the poor guy feels like he has no choice but to lie.

I think the key is not to exclude the gf. If she is excluded then yes she will be jealous and wondering what is going on. As far as harmless crushes go, they are only harmless up to a point and some choose to go past that point and lie about it.

Rose wrote:

<quoted text>
I wish he had been as honest as the LW and told me when we were dating that he still had feeling for his ex.

You are better off now, which you probably know. That's such a sad thing to go through, but you will find a truly good guy if you want to one day. He, on the otherhand, will always be miserable.

I've learned from my mom to only buy cookies, candy bars, cookie dough, and all the other crap from the kids hawking it... That means that I ignore the sign-up sheets in the break rooms, the parents tromping around with the forms and the e-mails that start flying around.

It also means that there's only 2 kids (sisters, actually) who get an order from me. And the girls who stand outside at the grocery in January wind up selling me about a case of cookies over "cookie season." All I say to the parents (if I get cornered) is "no thanks."

Rose wrote:

<quoted text>
...I guess I should have known there was more too it when he wanted to live hours from any of the family he was "oh so close too". He got a job in her town and asked me to move there with him after marriage. I was trustingly in the dark and agreed ... never again.
The really weird thing is ... he hated me after our divorce and I never did anything too him. He said I was too supportive. I made sure he had a home-cooked meal everyday. I made sure there were clean towel waiting for him in the shower when he got home from work. I made sure his clothes were always ironed ...
Yes, I was a homemaker and a full time student, but I was a full time student when he met me. I had some money from and investment and could have easily paid rent and bills ... as I was doing when he met me ... Funny that was one of the things he harped on toward the end ... He was paying all of the bills and all I was doing was laying around at home and hanging out on campus with my friends (going to school).

I was actually referring more to Prince Charles/Princess Diana with my last line about marrying someone who had a torch for someone else. Given your own situation, I also would be surprised at someone who had been away from their ex that long & then decided to have an affair w/them. It sounds to me like your ex did not think he deserved a decent woman. He was unworthy for someone who loved and cared for him the way you did, so he went back to have another taste of the drug that caused him pain. It is hard to believe that some men will go back to a trashy woman when they could have a woman who loves them & would remain faithful to them. I dated a guy who did exactly that. They have been together & then split up at least 4 times since he bailed on me. She was also supposedly a vile human being who demeaned him and treated his daughter badly. But, he went back anyway. In my mind, they deserve each other because they are likely both miserable. It took me a while to realize he did me a favor by showing his true colors. Some men never really learn what a good thing is when they have it.

One of my pet peeves about the real estate industry is this notion of the "sphere of influence". Basically, it's a euphemism for sell your services to friends and family. The whole notion is that these people won't try to negotiate commissions with you. It's what keeps commissions high and it needs to stop.

On a separate note, when I hear people talk about how a listing agent is going to bring buyers I cringe. While this may be true, quite often it's an indication of a mis-perception that listing agents find buyers. In reality, the listing agent markets the property and buyer's agents deliver buyers. It's only in the minority of cases that the listing agent actually has an interested buyer but many agents try to convince sellers that they have this inventory of buyers but it's nonsense.

Mitsy wrote:

<quoted text> Given your own situation, I also would be surprised at someone who had been away from their ex that long & then decided to have an affair w/them.

I also feel like I am missing part of the puzzle like maybe they had kept in touch and maybe slept together off and on doing those years. They never had kids together so I can't figure out why they would stay in touch. Anyway, this letter got me to thinking about that again. It make me feel like a fool and I don't like that. I should have had more than suspicions when his drive started to decrease.

Rose wrote:

<quoted text>
I also feel like I am missing part of the puzzle like maybe they had kept in touch and maybe slept together off and on doing those years. They never had kids together so I can't figure out why they would stay in touch. Anyway, this letter got me to thinking about that again. It make me feel like a fool and I don't like that. I should have had more than suspicions when his drive started to decrease.

At least nobody can take away your power/choice to be
glad this masochist cannot mess up your life any more.

ivory dove wrote:

<quoted text>
At least nobody can take away your power/choice to be
glad this masochist cannot mess up your life any more.

True. Very true.

run naked wrote:

I give Matt credit for being open with his girlfriend. I wish my last boyfriend had been so open with me...

Well.... if you running naked I guess you like open

LW1: Take a pea shooter next time and make a little fun for yourself out of it.

LW2: My husband when we were dating would talk about how great his ex was. And it still bugs me that he did and it has been 8 years since then!

LW3: That's mean. Everyone has room in their tummies for a few girl scout cookies!